


Of Coaches and Couches

by Beau_bie



Category: Left 4 Dead (Video Games)
Genre: Beanbags, Couches, Crack, Humour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-02-18 17:20:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21530512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beau_bie/pseuds/Beau_bie
Summary: Just random adventures of Coach feat. the rest of the team.
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Old L4D2 story I wrote. This is up on my old fanfiction.net account - Pumpkaboo. This isn't re-edited and is presented as it was written then.

Dead Center

"Man we have to take this here beanbag with us" chirped Ellis.

"I don't know if that is a good idea sweetie" said Rochelle, frowning slightly.

"If you take it, you carry it" Nick grumbled.

"It's tellin' me to take it."

"Great, you are even more nuts than I thought already Overalls."

"They're coveralls."

Dark Carnival

"Why the hell am I carrying the beanbag?" Nick grouched as Ellis carried the stupid gnome they had to stop and save. It was basically just another beanbag.

Swamp Fever

"Ellis Sweetie, we should really leave the beanbag here. It's been dragged through the swamp water and… well, frankly it's just gross now."

"Finally, someone who understands!" Nick exclaimed.

"It says it don't wanna be left here."

"It doesn't fuckin' talk!" Nick said, slapping himself in the face in frustration.

"Jus' don't incapacitate yaself, we only got one health kit left."

Nick slapped himself again.

Hard Rain

"It's good in a way that it's rainin'" grinned Ellis. "Cleanin' the swamp water off o' the beanbag."

"Goddamn it's so fuckin heavy though" groaned Nick.

"Character building" said Ro, smiling.

"The beanbag is cold."

"What the hell Ellis? You carry the fuckin' thing."

"Nah, I gotta keep an eye out for zombies."

The Parish

"Man, I hope we make it across this bridge" Nick sighed, tired from dragging the beanbag.

"The beanbag says it does too."

Ro just nodded, although she heard jack shit.

They made it across the bridge. Nick had no idea how.

They sat down in the helicopter.

"And we saved the beanbag!" grinned Ellis.

Nick just glared at him. "Say beanbag again and I will kick your ass."

Suddenly the beanbag busted open and Coach jumped out holding Gnome Chompski. "Yeah team! We made it!"

Nick could have cried.


	2. Chapter 2

Nick reached around behind Ellis' neck, pulling him in for another kiss. "Ellis" he breathed.

"This is nice" smiled Ellis.

"Sure is Sport" Nick smiled. He kissed Ellis again. "Mm…"

Ellis lightly grinded his hips against Nick's. "I love-"

"Don't ya'll be doin' that!" Coach said, popping his head out from inside the couch.


	3. Chapter 3

Coach was on a mission.

He was in desperate need of a new couch.

But not just any couch would do. It had to be perfect. After all, he would be the one sitting on it, so it needed to be damn comfy.

He strolled into the store and begun leisurely looking at all the couches and judging them silently.

That one, too small, this one, too lumpy, that one, leather.

He started feeling ridiculously disheartened. These couches were just not good enough.

He sighed, pissed off, and sat down on an ugly green and orange plaid couch. He liked the colours, not in this mix.

"Whoa!" he exclaimed, his eyes growing wide. He hadn't even looked at the monstrosity in disguise as a couch as it was just so heinous in design and colour, but it was just so comfortable. So comfortable it should have been illegal.

He sunk back into the couch, wishing he could be watching football and eating a meal from the local Burger Tank.

"Lounge, why are you so damn ugly?" he had to ask. It didn't even appear to come in another colour scheme.

Scheme…

The lounge, so hideously coloured, was scheming. It had to have chosen to be this ugly and comfy to tear people with good tastes in lounge apart.

The couch would have to be mocking him.

But it was like every other couch had been a lie.

He sighed, deciding he would just go ahead and buy the damn couch. He walked over to the store attendant. "Well hello, I would like to purchase this here couch" Coach said, beckoning to the couch.

"Never seen that couch before. I don't think it's one of ours."

"Well, what does that mean?"

"It means I can't sell it to you."

Coach felt his heart break. Sure the couch was ugly, but it was so comfy. He needed that couch! "Well, I am happy to pay for it."

The attendant sighed. "I will see what I can do." He walked out the back.

Coach sighed. His efforts had been futile, but he needed that couch! Even if it was ugly he was sure that he could buy a cover for it.

The man walked back out, his face slightly scrunched up. "Well, it isn't one of ours, so we are just finding out whose it is, then we can direct you to their store."

Coach nodded. If they were from another store he was sure that they would know if it came in different colours.

The manager walked out and over to Coach. "We can't find a store that would sell a couch that was so ugly."

Coach sighed. "I know it's ugly, but it is so comfy."

The manager raised a brow and sat down. "It is, wow."

All of a sudden the lounge burst right open to reveal Nick and Ellis.

"The couch was a lie!" Ellis grinned.

"It's payback time!" Nick yelled.

They both jumped out of the couch and rushed out the door, leaving Coach to want to cry and lie on the floor.


	4. Chapter 4

Coach strolled up the path to Nick and Ellis' house.

Coach hadn't seen them for quite some time, so he decided to call Ellis who invited him over for dinner.

He straightened his shirt and knocked on the door.

"Coach" said Nick, pokerfaced as usual.

"How are you Nicolas?"

"Nick is fine-"

Nick, Nicolas, it was all the same. He ignored Nick and strolled inside the house. He could smell the burgers cooking and was keen to eat.

"Dinner will be ready in about ten" said Nick, closing the door behind him.

"Hey Coach!" Ellis bounded out from the kitchen cheerily. "Can I get you a drink?"

"Soda please."

"Sure thing." He ducked back into the kitchen and returned with the can of soda. "Here you go."

"Thanks."

"We are going to finish cooking. Make yourself at home" Nick offered.

"Okay Nick."

Nick and Ellis walked back into the kitchen. Coach looked around the lounge room.

That was when he saw it. The most comfortable looking couch he had ever seen. It was a beautiful three seater covered in soft, black fabric (Nick had obviously chosen this piece of fancy furniture, Coach could imagine Nick having good couch taste).

Coach tried to resist the call of the couch, but he could not.

He rushed over to the couch and belly flopped onto it, snapping the middle panel and causing it to collapse.

"Oops" was all he said. He decided the best thing to do was to just go home and watch football.

…

"Nick and Ellis heard a loud crashing noise and rushed into the lounge room to investigate.

Nick saw his beautiful lounge broken and Coach was nowhere to be seen. "What the fuck?!"

"Looks like Coach broke our couch" said Ellis, slightly broken-hearted.

"Fuck" Nick groaned, rolling his eyes.


End file.
